Trudeau offers to trade Calgary Zoo Pandas for Canadian hostages held in China

CALGARY - Prime Minister Justin Trudeau recently directed the Calgary Zoo to send their four pandas back to China in an attempt to negotiate for the release of Michael Spavor and Michael Kovrig. This despite Trudeau's aides and Chinese Communist Party officials attempting to explain to the Prime Minister that "People aren't Pandas".

"Justin thought if he just kept complimenting China: praising their basic dictatorship, firing his own ambassador, keep denying to the world about China's concentration camps and even helping them build a 5G network so they can spy on us, it would convince China to let the two Michael's go" says a source close to the Prime Minister. "Since none of that is working, Justin thinks sending the Panda's back is a win/win: He gets to take something from Calgary, a city he hates; give something to China, a communism he loves; and not have to feed the "trash grizzlies" any more... because he hates pandas."

The blatant attempts to curry favor with China have been roundly criticized by Canada's allies, with many pointing out that Trudeau appears to be incapable of having more than a surface conversation with a world leader. When asked directly about his proposed Panda Hostage exchange, the Prime Minster responded "Look at my new socks!" before going back to checking his selfie angle on his Instagram.