Local SJWs celebrate making "MAGA teen" a multi-millionaire

CALGARY - Coalitions of Social Justice Warriors (or SJWs) throughout Canada and the United States are celebrating the news that Michael Sandmann- the "MAGA Teen" who was assaulted by Nathan Phillips in Washington DC during a Pro-Life rally- has become a multi-millionaire virtually overnight after CNN and The Washington Post settled defamation lawsuits with the teenager and his family.

"We knew that as soon as we saw the reporting from CNN, we could start doxing and threatening the kid, and that would make him rich!" said one self-identified SJW, "our plan worked, and now the media have to pay!"

Sandmann, who spoke at the Republican National Convention this week, stated that for his 18th birthday, he had been "given the present of justice" from CNN and the Washington Post. The two media outlets were sued for $250million and $275million respectively for their "disregard of basic journalist standards" referring to their biased coverage, which led to harassment, violence, and continued threats against the minor. Although the settlements were not made public, it is estimated that Sandmann was awarded $20million in each case.

Sandmann also noted that there are a total of 8 media outlets being sued over their coverage of the event, likely meaning that SJW's will get to celebrate increasing Sandmann's wealth even further.

Instead of admitting their over-reaction and gullibility in this false narrative, SJW's seem to be happy with the turn of events, "Violence against children has always been a personal belief of mine" said another local SJW, "I'm looking forward to the next false-flag being sent up by mainstream media so we can terrorize other kids for wearing hats I don't like and making them millionaires too!"